Is it out of place having a pre-sex principle?

  • jolyn

    I had only dated two guys before I met Chisom. I was 22yrs old, fresh out of the university when I started dating Steve. He was the one who opened the Jerusalem. He taught me things. Our sex was never protected because he was of the opinion that when you use protection it means you are not faithful to your partner. His ideology became my ideology too. Our relationship lasted 5yrs until he broke his promise and cheated on me.

     I gave myself time to heal and I also changed environment when I moved from my old job.

    When least expected, I met Toju, we were friends for two years before we started dating. With Toju, I went through another sex educating process. He said we needed to go for a test before we could get intimate. This made me so mad, because I felt he did not trust me enough. After dilly-dallying, I followed him to the test centre but on getting there, I refused getting tested. He took his test and all his result came back clean. At some point, he understood my anger and gave me time to come to terms with getting tested. Aside the issue of trust, I was afraid of the outcome of the test so I decided to have it done on another day. 

    One that fateful day, I drove to the test centre and registered for the entire test on the list and had my bloods taken. I never new HIV was such a big deal until that day.

    In no distant time as I was waiting, a psychologist came through and asked that I follow her to her office. While seated in her office, she started an awkward conversation by asking of my sex history and every other thing which I wasn’t so comfortable disclosing. Well, I had no option than to reveal all to her.  I could see that all the things she asked were drawn on a map.

    Afterwards, she asked, what if my test result comes out positive today, who could I call to help me through it? At this point, I became apprehensive because I could not think of anyone, not even Toju (I was so teary because that will spell doom for our relationship if it turns out that I was positive). 


    Finally, the Doctor counselled me and my result was shown to me that I was negative which really made me happy.

    She advised me never to have unprotected sex with anyone who is not married to me. After the whole drama, I made my own decision to always protect myself. I was still angry with Toju but I understood his view of protecting oneself. We had the best relationship until our sad breakup.


    Now I am with Chisom, who doesn't think getting tested or using protection is important. I have tried my best to make him understand but he has blatantly refused. I am at the verge to breaking my principles maybe because of pressure to settle down. The truth is I don't know if he is even the right person. I am currently in a fix because finding a stable relationship is difficult and I am so scared of leaving him for the uncertainty.


    I really do not mind an advice right now. Thank you all.

    562 days ago

  • Gworthason

    I think you should not be forceful about it. If you have any medical personal they can explain to him why it is important.

    562 days ago

  • kunle

    Hold on to your principles, whoever that loves you will definitely understand, after all, what you are doing isn't a bad thing. 

    561 days ago

  • mizwhendie

    Hold on to your principles and try to explain to him calmly. Relationships will come and go but once u are infected, explaining urself to ur next partner would be really difficult.

    Never reduce ur standards bcos of fear of the uncertain. Marriage is for a life time and shd be taken seriously. The focus of the test shd not only b for sex. If u are considering marriage with this person, have u checked ur genotype?

    561 days ago