My name is Caroline from Nigeria. I have been married for eight years with two children. Over the past five years, it is by the grace of God that we were co-existing. We barely communicate in the house. He is always busy with work and when he is not working, he is studying. Whenever there is a serious issue between us, we never really talk about it. His philosophy is never to discuss yesterday issues. There were times I felt like quitting the marriage but my faith in marriage and family kept me going.
A lot was going on with my own personal and work life that I wished to share with him but my husband’s face was never approachable. There were few times I confided in my mum and she was helpful. I never envisioned this type of life when we got married. We were so much in love and happy during the first and second year of marriage. To be honest I cannot say what specifically happened that made our friendship soured.
Despite our differences, he has been a great Dad to our daughters. Sometimes I am jealous whenever he plays with the girls because it reminded me of the man I met 9yrs ago.
When the federal government announced the lockdown, my heart skipped. I was so worried of how I was going to survive his silence and uncaring attitude. More so, the thought that our girls will notice the division between us was my greatest fear.
The first two days of the lockdown was a nightmare for me. I struggled with cooking, bathing and home schooling the girls, cleaning the house and responding to my official mails. On the third day, due to fever, I could barely do much. I went to my room and laid down. My Ada (first daughter) was the one who told him about my condition. He came and asked how I was feeling and I explained it was fever. I was expecting his usual “have you called your sister” (mine is a Medical Doctor) or taken your medication? But my husband surprised me with his actions. He made breakfast/lunch for the family, called my sister and gave me some meds. By evening, he noticed my temperature was still high. He decided to apply the old therapy. Seating me down on a stool, he brought a bucket of hot water, which was mixed with ginger, mint leaves and lemon and bent me over with a blanket. He sat beside me with his phone, reading out the recent madness on tweeter, which made us laugh hard. I cannot remember when we last shared the same space, talking and laughing. I could sense that was his thought too. Since that day, we have been making progress in building our relationship. My greatest joy is he moved back to our bedroom which I thought was a big step.
To be honest, we are not there yet but I can see a lot of progress and efforts from him. I know majority wants the lockdown to end because they are tired of staying at home. That is not the case for me; the lockdown is my little blessing because I am building my marriage with it. I still have a lot to say to him and I know he has a lot to tell me. I do not know if it is the right time but tomorrow I intend discussing our existing issues with him as a way of explaining to each other where we went wrong. I pray everything works out fine by God’s Grace.
200 days ago
@Caroline I am happy for you. A lot of broken home are coming together this period. Pray about it before you approach him. I pray it all works out for you.
200 days ago
I am really happy to hear stories like this. I am glad you were able to work things out with hubby. I support ur trying to talk to him about issues you had in the past. A lot of couples just find themselves drifting apart without any reason at all.
I pray this change remains permanent in your family
200 days ago
No matter what one is passing through, there is always a day of reckoning and I've always known this. I am pretty sure he must have made back to his assessments and realised he married a wife and not a whore as some men think of their wives.
Just keep pushing, It will only take time but I can sure you that what is yours is yours. You guys will definitely be good. Keep it up.
199 days ago