Romance went wrong.Try to "repair" or leave it all?

  • UltimateDespair
    8 Likes

    I'm  a male in my late 20s. Never had a gf and never really tried to date anyone... until very recently.

    Early this year i found the dream girl. We shared a lot of interests and i found her really cute. We could also just talk for hours every day. We had it pretty nice. I eventually told her how i felt and to my surprise she felt the same way. We kinda dated for a while and everything was great. At some point i thought that it would be nice to take it further. Sadly i feel like i approached it the wrong way. I straight up asked her if she wanted to do something more serious. I was pretty confident thinking that i knew the outcome. But to my surprise she rejected me. Told me that she didn't want anything like that. I crumbled into pieces. I fell apart and was unable to recover. I pretended that everything was fine for a while. Trying to get it back to where it was. But we were now only friends since i showed her that i was unable to just have "fun". Eventually i couldn't take it anymore. I told her that i needed to distance for a while. Logically i knew that i needed this and it was probably the wrong choice. But in the back of my head i was clearly hoping that this would change things. It didn't really. She contacted me recently. She is clearly interested in being friends but things are kinda awkward and it feels like i drive the conversations most of the time. 

    Not really sure what i want from this post. I guess i want a quick fix for all my problems. But that doesn't really exist. Maybe i just feel like venting a bit on the internet. 
    I want her. And i'm unable to get rid of this feeling no matter how much i lie to myself. 

    TLDR 
    A girl that was somewhat interested in me kinda isn't anymore and i'm unable to stay calm and be her friend. I want to get back to our roots but the fact that this isn't happening is killing me and i want to run away.

    179 days ago

  • mark
    Likes

     

    Sorry to hear that. Probably the signs were there that she wasn’t going to take your relationship with her beyond what it was but somehow you did not get the message or the message wasn’t passed correctly. Did you ask the reason why she refused? Did you know if she was seeing another guy at the time? I felt you should have probed further to know why she said no. Again, saying no does not mean she may not come back tomorrow to date you. May be the period she said no was a time for her to think and reflect and possibly get back to you but somehow you jumped into conclusion that she was not into it. You should learn not to be hasty with women. You already knew what you wanted before you told her but for her, she needed to put in some thoughts before say either yes or know.

     

    One thing you have to know is that being friends with someone do not suggest that he or she is into you and that a relationship could be established out of it. Someone may naturally like you but their hearts might somewhere else. 

    179 days ago

  • Gworthason
    Likes

    Wow, I know how you feel but if you really want her then it best you control your feelings and build that friendship back. I know with the lockdown everyone is indoors hence you cannot go out, I would have suggested you ask her for a friend to date, chose a place where you both can have fun. Since that is not available now, just be the best friend you can. You never can tell you might win her back. I really wish you best.

    179 days ago

  • Bob
    1 Likes

    I believe you were wrong by asking her to be just friends with you when you guys were friends already. You wanted a positive response from her yet you kept telling her what pushed her away from you. I guess your behaviour triggered her reaction.

    I will advice you apologise and try to gain her confidence again by always talking with her and making her not feel like she has lost a friend in you. Remember, she felt what you felt initially before your relationship with her went south.

    179 days ago

  • amaka
    Likes

    You lost her trust the moment you asked to be friends only. I have been in a situation where I wanted to be with someone but did not know he was also going for another lady. We were very good friends until the day he introduced her to me as his girlfriend. This broke my heart.

    I had to give this scenario because she may have been in a similar situation but enjoyed your company just as a friend which you wrongly misinterpreted.

    If you can get her on a date, it will be a very good opportunity to discussion things over and try to make her see the angle you were coming from with an apology.

    I believe you guys can still work things out. Good luck to you.

    179 days ago

  • Pinnky
    Likes

    You would hv allowed things to unfold on its own. There was no need of telling her that you want you guys to be just friends.

    All the same since she contacted recently just flow with her and find out some other aspects of her....look for things that make her happy . Just try and keep in touch esp this period of lockdown.

    179 days ago

  • Ola
    Likes

    Could you possible tell us the reason why you decided to keep it friends with her after she turned down your proposal? This singular act is capable of ruining what would have been a good relationship had it been she was contemplating of giving it a chance.

    178 days ago