Im a married woman, However I am at a crossroad, because of an ex from over 10 years ago .. whom I still feel for and am not sure which is the right turn to take.

  • Sunshine

    Hi guys, first of all, merry Christmas to all, I hope you guys had a great time.  I'm new to this website, and this is my first post, so if I'm doing/ writing something wrong please let me know. 

    Now, I'll try to keep this short, bear with me please, (some background info about us). I'm married to an amazing man, who's hard working, loving and kind. We've been together for 4 years and married for about 3 years. We are trying to start a family. We lived in Europe the first couple of years due to my hubby's work. And just recently moved back to australia (my home town), to be near family and friends. During our time in Europe, we did a alot of traveling and visited many friends over there. Now, we're planning on doing some more travel in the country ( travel is our hobby and big part of our life). I would say our relationship is pretty good, we don't have major probs/issues. We understand each other and, above all, we fought to be together due to the fact that  we come not only from different countries but from really far apart (Europe- australia). 

    Meanwhile, years before meeting him, I was with someone else. He was my first love. We loved each other but fought all the time ( due to him living overseas and our visits were limited due to money, distance etc). It was tiring and stressful. He never put himself together- in regards to work, future plans, us or anything else and eventually he left me without a word or an explanation. After that, I was confused, lost and was looking for any sort of closure. I tried reaching out to his family and friends to figure out what happened.. my sadness turned to fear if something had happened to him but sadly, my search got me no where .. no answers, just closed doors. 

    Fast-forward 2 years after all of that, when I started to turn my life around and move on, on one regular evening, I got a call .. and there he was on the other side of the phone. I didn't know what to say or do or feel. It was surreal .. I went numb.. it took me a minute to understand what was happening. He eventually explained to me that he was in some sort of trouble in addition, he made a mistake and got married but now his all single and wants us to go back together. I, of course said no and hung up. I was shocked by the call and it took me a few days to hear him out and eventually, after he explained his reasons (whether they were real or not) I felt better, after getting some sort of closure.  

    Now, after all of that, I thought of giving him a chance (since there was some feelings left for him), but that didn't last more than a few weeks. During that time, he really tried with me, he started making plans, and I was surprised to how much he has changed. But I just felt like somethings off .. like we're not as before. And I felt sad .. So sad but, I didn't want things to drag on, so I told him how i feel. He was so broken yet, understanding and gave me space. And after a couple of months gave me a call and asked me if my feelings has changed but the answer was no, and he came back again and again, every now and then and eventually disappeared. 

    Now, that's when I moved on and met my current husband, we hit it off, and things went on smoothly. Fast- forward 3 years later, I get a call again and it's him, my heart skips a beat still (don't know why). I told him I'm married now, but he seemed to know and follow every timeline of my life, and wanted to know if we have a chance, I said no way! and hung up. But if I'm going to be honest, there's a little part of me, that still wonders how would our life together turn out .. sometimes I do think of him (even during my marriage before he made the call). And i feel bad. like I'm cheating on my husband but, I can't help it. The thought of him makes me happy, makes me want to reach out to him, makes me wonder why did i turn him down when he came back and wanted to make things right!? I just don't know what to do.. I fear I'm making a mistake by staying with my husband even though I do love him dearly. 

    Kindly share your thoughts and views on this matter, as I need to hear other people's perspective and views. 

    Many thanks in advance

    575 days ago

  • iris

    It is a pity you feel this way. For me, i would never go back to such an ex. He left me to explore when I needed him most without no explanation, he got tired of the lady she left me for and all of a sudden  he remembers me. 

    First of all, no good man would see a married woman and wants her to leave her husband for him. If he could convince you to leave ur husband then he is equally able to leave you when he is tired of you.

    Secondly, the way you spoke of your husband shows he is  a good man.  Why on earth would you want to leave such a man for a man you lost contact with for ages and who probably might be a different individual compared to the time you knew. The little time you spent with him when he came back wasn't satisfactory so why do you want to make that mistake again?

    You had better erase whatever feelings you got for this man and face your husband and your family. Remember, not all that glitters is gold.

    A word is enough for the wise.

    574 days ago

  • elna

    This is one big mistake you will ever regret if you made that move. What you feel for your ex is nothing but infatuation which will fizzle out the moment you start living with him. Good men are hard to find these days and also remember, you can only be with one man except you are ready to be jumping from one man to another.

    Please, do not leave your hubby  for no man.

    574 days ago

  • turpe

    You can't claim to love your husband when a part of you is with another man. That is no love.

    Love is patient, love is kind, love is sweet, love endures, love conquers...i can go on and on... 

    Have you ever thought about the devastating effect this may have on your hubby if he finds out you are thinking about another man? I'm sure you got conscience, so do not do what you wouldn't want others to do to you. 

    I will suggest you tell your husband about this temptation so that you guys can walk through it together. This is one of the easy ways to distroy such feelings because when he is aware, he will always ask about it and there will be no room for secrets. But you have to be sure he is not the jealous type and won't misconstrue your explanation before opening up to him.

    574 days ago

  • Sunshine


    You are right. I do understand where your coming from and I don't want to ruin my marriage.  I suppose it's good go hear it from other people too, not just from my own inner voice.  

    572 days ago

  • Sunshine


    That's what having been crossing my mind too, that if that was going to happen .. the feelngs would eventually fade away once together.. and yeah, my hubby is good ,and don't want to ruin that 

    572 days ago

  • Sunshine


    I can't tell my hubby. He will get the wrong idea. And it's not like I have met the guy or anything. I'll have to face it on my own .. and hope I come out okey on the other end 

    572 days ago

  • sibi


    If you can't speak to your husband about it then you need to cut off ties with him. You can start by changing your phone number and all other contact info he has.  You have to be very serious  with this. 

    572 days ago

  • Sunshine


    Yeah I know, I did. 

    572 days ago

  • Anika

    Have you ever been cheated on? Do you know what it feels to be cheated on or go through a heart break? If you have answers to these questions then imagine what it would have been for you if the table turns and your husband was the one struggling with these thoughts and imaginations of yours and you were the one at the receiving end. 

    There is a saying that goes ' a priest is without honour in his town'. You don't know what you have in your hubby until you lose him. Please flee from all trappings of the devil. If a 'good husband' in your words can't make you happy, then, a fugitive ex can't either. Please read between the lines and see that there is no road where you are planning to head to. If you could entertain the thought of leaving your husband, then your ex will make it number 2 husband that you will eventully dump in the future. This may sound harsh but i am only trying to make you reason objectively.

    Never you  spit the apple in your mouth away for the one you are yet to eat for it may be rotten when you eventually eat it. 

    I pray it ends well for you.

    571 days ago

  • Sunshine


    First of all, yes, I have been cheated on and left behind and yes I do exactly know how bad and sour it feels and tastes. 

    Second of all, as soon as the thought of my ex crossed my mind, I started asking close friends and posting it here and there to get other people's perspective. Because believe or not, I do feel guilty even though I have NOT done anything. But the thought it self is enough to make me feel as such. 

    And thirdly, please try to voice your opinion in a much calmer and kinder tone. Because I already am feeling bad, so I need a supportive and kind ear to hear not one that is blaming me .. Because if i didn't feel bad, I wouldn't be here  telling my story. 

    Good day to you. 

    569 days ago